Restless Sleep Syndrome

It’s Time

I’ve threatened to write about my sleepless nights on many occasions, and particularly after a night or ten without sleep. So here it is my fellow Sjoggie-mates, your fly-on-the-wall experience of a night with SjoDry.

I could sit here and list all of my painful and afflicted body parts & what they do at night, but I will spare you the part-specific drama. Anyway, I don’t even know you, but I do know that we as Sjoggie sistas & brothers share these same never-ending symptoms, such as pain, interrupted sleep, etc.

Sleepless In Pittsburgh!

Sleepless In Pittsburgh!

A Typical Night

A typical night of sleep starts downstairs several hours before bedtime. This is commonly referred to as the “couch collapse”, where SjoDry lands each day after work. Now I must tell you that SjoDry has an annoying issue. The issue surrounding SjoDry’s bedtime is that going to bed too soon, will inevitably wake her up in the early morning hours. Of course, it is too soon to be up for work, yet she is unlikely to get back to sleep either. And in the event that SjoDry has achieved a deep relaxing sleep and stays in bed too long, then she cannot walk the next day from the pain.

Rock N’ Roll

SjoDry’s “sleep behavior” can best be described as a night of Rock N Roll. Let me describe a visual of what this looks like for you. First, a few minutes on the left side–and then pain, roll right. A pillow fluff, a cover adjustment and next attempts at sleep. Uh oh, more pain, roll to middle on back, but get some water on nightstand first. Okay, nighty night..time to sleep.

Then SjoDry’s  mind which is still turned on and in planning mode reminds her that she still needs to pick up the prescriptions from the pharmacy the next day. Really, SjoDry, turn it off– it’s time to sleep. Another left roll. Maybe it will happen now.

Wait a minute! What’s happening with the pillow? Oh No! SjoDry’s wonderful and supportive husband has encroached into her designated Sjoggie space– and has borrowed some of her precious cover. Not happening.

The Maneuver

Hmm, time for a potty run. Then back to bed with a stealth, Sjoggie cover retrieval maneuver. Now let’s try this again. Enter..mental note of frustration: Great, it’s 2:05 a.m. & SjoDry has never gotten to sleep. Well, it’s got to happen soon. Roll right.

OMG, it’s happened! The face-to-face sleep positions. That is, SjoDry & Spouse are now facing eachother on their respective sides. Now don’t get me wrong..this arrangement will work on occasion. But what typically occurs, is a series of deep puffs of air blown right into SjoDry’s face (direct hit). It reminds me of a cartoon I once saw where the main character is blissfully slumbering & shooting a little feather into the air at each breath. Yes, SjoDry calls these: The Feather Puffs. After many years of marriage, SjoDry still thinks that this is cute & it always elicits a smile EXCEPTwhen she is trying to sleep. Roll Left.

Almost There

Finally, here it is, that vaguely familiar pre-fade state, almost asleep..when OUCH…SjoDry’s arm and hand is in numb & tingling. Work the hand & fingers, hang the arm off the side of the bed, clinch, clinch….potty run…water gulp..Roll right.

And Then There Is Snoring..

Of course, a night with SjoDry and spouse, typically includes some degree of snoring also. If I am being honest, both parties in this couple are guilty of this often loud behavior. But SjoDry would argue that spouse’s snores are especially loud and creative. So much so, that she has labeled some of them. For instance, SjoDry has identified one particular sound coming from her hubby as reminiscent of the legendary ” Wookie Warrior “, Chewbacca. Yes, this very distinct sound launches SjoDry right into an epic Star Wars scene. Sadly, SjoDry is giving snoring sounds a name instead of sleeping.


It’s “Chewbacca”

And sjo it goes, the cycle of frustration and sleep loss continues. Is there any doubt about why SjoDry attempts to function in a semi-coma state each day and complains that her fatigue never goes away?!

Now, if you’re tempted to suggest that SjoDry could try some sleep medication (which she does have a prescription for) don’t. Because sleep meds dry SjoDry’s head out so much that she can hardly breathe. When this happens, it is then necessary for SjoDry to place a towel on her head & hang over her warm mist humidifier in desperate attempts to clear her head….and as you can see, there’s not enough time in SjoDry’s night cycle for that.

Happy Z’s to you!

SjoDry and dragging..

About VitalSignsPgh

Sandy Burkett is the Creative Engineer, President and Owner of Vital Signs. Vital Signs is a certified Native American/Woman-Owned custom sign and graphics company located in Carnegie, PA.
This entry was posted in HUMOR, Random, Symptoms and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Restless Sleep Syndrome

  1. RJ MCDOWELL says:

    You sound a lot like me! Plus, throw in using a CPAP machine with head gear for sleep apnea, Raynaud’s so any limbs hanging out get instantly cold, and fibromyalgia (requiring pain meds half way through the night). I can confirm that is very exhausting just trying to get some sleep.

    PS If you husband is snoring and snorting through the night, you might suggest that he get a sleep study as those can be symptoms of sleep apnea.

    • vitalsignspgh says:


      Yes! We had the CPAP machine also. He kept ripping it off in the middle of the night. But to be actually was quieter with the CPAP on. And last night was another night of literally,
      no sleep. This time I was plagued with insane itching. :-/

      Take Care.

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